I’ll be going from one of the top 5 senior-most developers to brand new and there’s so much information taking up space in my brain that I have little use for anymore. It feels weird expecting to lose that hard-won knowledge, but there’s going to be plenty to learn in the new system!

In fact, being in a position to learn new skills is a huge part of why I chose to take the leap. I’m excited to get more comfortable with React and put my JavaScript skills to use in the backend for once. I’m used to writing Java code, which is my “native” programming language, the one I learned at virtual school 15 years ago when I first started coding. That’s going to be a strange adjustment, a little like a culture shock.

I was tempted to spend some of my break brushing up on the skills I’ll need at my new employer, but my future boss encouraged me to really unplug. I don’t think the transition could have been timed any more appropriately for the state of the world at the moment. I’m very fortunate to be able to take this breather. So for now, my days are filled with full-time moming and embracing my time in the Loading Zone.

December is the month I always need a little extra grace because I feel constantly on the edge of overwhelm. Last year I basically shut down for a couple of days, thankfully I had help to get through it.

I’ve realized it’s a pattern I’ve been repeating for years. As a kid, we always had a LOT going on. I’m talking Angel Breakfast, Pot Luck Dinner, Kids Choir Musical, Family Luncheon, Living Nativity, Festival of the Carols and Bells, Christmas Eve services, Christmas at Grandma’s, and New Years with the cousins, plus all of the associated rehearsals, set up and tear down, not to mention planning and logistics.

All lovely activities that we spent years and years participating in, but if there’s any tradition in there that I’d like to continue it is most certainly NOT Holiday Activity Overload.

Instead I’m relishing any excuse to sit around and just enjoy some quiet time together. Give yourself permission to slow down. It might just be your favorite gift this year.

I’m reminding of myself this phenomenon today. I had a bit of an anxious day at work transitioning from one team to another. I went in worrying about the dynamic with some co-workers I’ve had struggles with in the past, and nervous that I was going to end up offending someone. I’m jumping into a fully formed team after running largely on my own for the past few months, and it’s bound to ruffle some feathers. To top it off, today’s Working-While-Moming challenges were particularly hairy, putting me even more on edge than usual.

After taking a step back, I’m hopeful that I can counteract my anxious, problem solving nature before I start making problems for myself where none exist. Instead of getting defensive and making assumptions (probably entirely untrue) about my teammates’ opinions and motivations, I’m trying to focus on what I can control. I’m spending my energy where I do feel supported and paying attention to what I can do to support others in return.

Hopefully the mindset shift will truly improve my outlook, but all of that is only going to happen with an open mind. I won’t pretend to believe that positive thinking is going to fix things on its own, but getting a little perspective can’t hurt.

In the meantime, I’m enjoying this picture from this day a year ago, when I was first starting to practice successful reframing, and reminding myself of how much we’ve been through. There’s been a lot of triumphs in the middle of the struggle, and that’s the part I want to look for.